Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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