there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
