My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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