Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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