fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
