His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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