You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
