He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
