yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
