I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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