Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
