he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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