i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
