you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize