i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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