So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize