Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
