I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
