I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
