Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
