I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
