remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
