all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
