Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
