my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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