Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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