Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
