Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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