he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
