Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize