Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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