I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
