Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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