too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
