So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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