Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
