Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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