Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
