drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
