You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Did I show you my penis last night?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
