I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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