Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I touched a dick in church today
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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