How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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