i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
