So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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