so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
