well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
