Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
