Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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