I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
