We're like a lot better than the average bears
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
