im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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