Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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