ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
