zippers are such a cool invention
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
