yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize