you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
