Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
