If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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