he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
