I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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