She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she pinky promised me she was 18
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
