i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
