I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
