Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
