found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
