I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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