i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
