I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
