u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
