you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
