I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
