Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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